According to epidemiological data, about one-third of the citizenry report committing road rage at one time or another.
Picture the following scene: A picture-perfect stretch of the California coast, shortly after noon on Saturday, a small number of cars wending their way along Highway 1 toward Santa Cruz.
But wait: A happy sight! A bride and groom are driving along in a small convertible with a large “Just married!” sign on the back of the car with pink ribbons to add emphasis and cans bouncing along behind them. This being a convertible, the bride is clearly visible in the passenger seat, holding her bouquet, wearing her beautiful wedding dress, smiling a radiant smile.
It’s an age-old international custom for newly married couples to drive along with a caravan of cars behind them, honking their encouragement. This was a stretch of Highway 1 with passing lanes interspersed regularly, so it was not possible for more than a few cars to be more than momentarily inconvenienced.
And yet: The beaming bride and groom were startled when a woman pulled up to their side, stuck her large, ugly face out the window, and screamed – her voice breaking – “What’s WRONG with you? You’re gonna cause an accident!”
The beaming bride and groom burst out laughing. How else to react to such a comical display?
Then a second car pulled up. This time a nondescript guy with a face like the side of a ham poked his mug out and settled on the concise outcry: “Go fuck yourselves!”
For the bride and groom – Sarah and me, on our wedding day – it was all quite comical. We did not let it faze us in the least.
But looking back a few days later, I’m struck by the disconcerting certainty that many people go through their days stuck in a cesspool of stagnating bitterness and resentment and anger, self-loathing coupled with loathing of anyone and everyone, and the smallest trigger can set them off.
One overriding point is how stupid people can be: There was zero danger factor to driving along at the speed we were driving. The one thing our convoy did was to force people, for a moment, to look around and exit their mental cruise control setting. For a healthy person, out enjoying an amazing day, this is a matter of no concern; but for the kind of person whose days are a landscape of rancid self-pity and befuddled resentment, it’s more than they can take.
Wow. I say it again: Wow.
How does such a person respond to actual stress? I shudder to think.
There’s a larger idea here, though: I think the Psychiatry estimate of one in three drivers experiencing some kind of road rage at some time is understated. I think most of us do, at one point or another. The question: How do we react to the momentary flash of anger? Can we handle it?
To be Zen is not to go through life forever calm. To be Zen is to understand that a healthy psyche experiences a range of emotions, and that even the healthiest person will sometimes feel anger or even rage. The trick is to feel that anger, let it be what it is, and then let it pass, and seek to live in harmony so that such outbreaks of anger are rare.
To be so bottled up that even a brief flash of anger – and how could rage at newlyweds possibly be anything more than brief? – in turn sets off an inner chain reaction of anger begetting anger begetting anger – that is a recipe for misery, not only for yourself but for everyone around you.
I say: Embrace the road rage within. Expect that now and then you’re going to be ticked off when you’re driving. Maybe even shout now and then – but keep that shouting to yourself. And once the words have passed, let them go. If you do, you might even have a shot at looking around and noticing that the day – and life itself – is very, very beautiful.
Note: Steve and Sarah are in honeymoon, and Steve’s Weekly Blog will resume on June 10.
– Steve Kettmann, co-founder, WCR
Steve’s earlier blogs:
Remembering Those We’ve Loved and Lost
Were You Kind to Someone Today?